this is the end...

...beautiful friend. this is the end, my only friend the end





of our elaborate plans, the end

of everything that stands, the end


no safety or surprise, the end



I'll never look into your eyes...again_++

(for 2007)

for christmas...

...i want her_

days passing..

drive drive drive.....i want to dddddddrrrriiiiivvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

touge hell.

whats up viewers! just making another addition to the blog for today and wanted to share my incident in the touge yesterday, check it out:

so i decided to drop by danielle's house in castro valley to deliver a birthday card for her (and yes today is her bday, happy bday danielle). since i was already on redwood road, and it was pouring rain, i thought hmm, rainy day = no cars on the mountain side, i should go drive through it hehe. so as daring as i am, i decided to jet through the opening part of the touge. for the first 2 miles, no cars. cool i can step the speed up a little. on the opposite direction, a cop car drives past me, hmm ok, just one cop, shouldn't be a big deal. 6 miles later i was pushing some heat through the really windy section of the road. then about 80 ft from where i was making the next turn, i see 2 cop cars and an suv just chillin on the side of the road, and a total of 5 cops standing out of their vehicles with nothing else better to do. i thought, "no fucking way!" i slowed down immediately trying to make it look like i wasn't driving recklessly, but as i passed them and glanced at my rear view mirror, i see all 5 of them dashing into their cars to catch up with me. in my mind i thought, "ok this is it, they saw me driving fast through the rain, therefore i will be given charges for reckless driving, get my car impounded, and mostlikely go to jail." i swear i thought that was the end for the heroic yet danger-devilish driver. keep in mind i have a clean record, no traffic violations at all, but of course i have had citations before for tedious reasons: loud exhaust, no front license plate, ect. 2 miles later they finally stop me on the side of the road where cars can pull over if an emergency were to happen. cop comes up to my window and says:

cop:"you drive through this road a lot sir?"

me: "not really, i have bad tires and my driverside wheel bearing is going out on me, i had to drive through this road to get home and avoid any incidences on the freeway to play it safe" (i even showed him receipts and parts i bought the same day to show them that the car isn't operating properly)

cop:"i see, well did you know your tags are expired? can i see some identification and registration?"

me:"expired?, my car is registered sir."(so i gave him my license and regis)

cop:"oh and may i also see proof of insurance of your vehicle" (that's when i thought, im fucked.)

me:"umm the car currently does not have insurance sir, my car just barely started running again a few days ago, and my insurance is on hold, i needed to use the car to go to work because i didn't want to take public transportation in this unforgiving weather."

cop:"is that so, well give me a few minutes" (yes, when a cop tells you to hold on, that ONLY means he's taking the time to write you a citation.8 minutes later..)

cop:"ok vincent, i will be giving you a break this time, but i will be giving you a fix-it ticket for the registration sticker and no proof of insurance. (ok, you call that a break???) but let me also add that this citation is correctable, meaning that if you acquire the necessary documents and sticker and get it signed of from another officer in this region, you won't have to pay any fine for this citation.

me:"sounds like a deal to me, well thanks sir"

cop:"drive safe through these roads, its a bit slippery today."(umm this road is my playground hahaha, of course i know every bend and turn, and no i did not say that to the cop)

so in the end, i miraculously got away with speeding through the canyon. thank God for the gifts and breaks you gave me with highway authorities, fuck them! lol. this ticket is whatevs. i wish i had a real pic of the cop cars chasing me down the road. its funny because at the same time they were tailing me, i wish i could've mashed as fast as i could through the road to lose them, but unfortunately, no good tires boooo...i swear i would've done that if my car was 100% functioning the way i would want it to be. and yes, i've done it before..muahahaha

stay tuned folks_

return of touge man...

so this weekend was something...put on my mechanic's suit and finished working on the ride. this was saturday by the way..



i made last minute adjustments to the breaks, rear/front sway bars, rear suspension, and axels..



finally, the new suspension is on!

...the next day, took the ride over jp's pad to sweep him up and head to pacifica for a youth encounter meeting (btw i am a youth coordinator for church community's youth group in frisco aka BLD [Buka Loob Sa Diyos]. Chilled there for a little bit then headed back to the east bay to the pad to watch the remainder of the warriors game, and yess we whooped ass again! Ray slid through, smoked a blunt, and headed to the hills of Oakland, drove through roads: Skyline, Pinehurst, and Redwood..I like to call it the Ring just because you can do laps through these connected roads..my personal race way..YEEEE..then met up with evie, sherry, gessner, and i forgot, this one dood from santa cruz..then bounced. good times yo! what a way to end the lovely weekend and start december, a relaxing drive around the bay, and a time attack through my favorite roads...life is good.

::ordinary vanity::

FRIDAY:
work.offwork.georgedropsme@csueb.campusexploring.
rendezvouswithjackpat.introducedtoamodernsamurai,hiroto.
iiadotobujitsu.swordsmanshipisessential.$2dollarpooltourny.
jacklosesfirstround.headtojacks.jackgetsready.myspaceforamin.
myspaceisgay.rendezvouswithmjplug.1.5grams-fuckyea.
backtotheheeze.rendezvouswithsteve.toketoketoke.tickticktick.
freestyles-oldschoolvids-streetfighteralpha2.
jpandrayconglamorates.toketoketoke.ETAtotheDownlow-10mins.
meetwithmarkkristencatjayalan.$20covercharge-fuckass!
drinksdrinks.1stshoteveratabarwithjp.
anhourlaterleavetothainoodle.yummyyummy.knockoutinjacks
suv.blunt#3.2ndroundofStreetFighter.
3am-knockedoutCOLD.beingwithmybros-alwayspriceless.

So it's finally December. Why did this year go by so quickly? I know!, because of all the traveling by foot I've been doing for the past 7 months. Yes it definitely kills a lot of time. Hmm I think I should make a summary of this years highlights. I'll do that after Christmas, there's still time for this month's highlights..WELP, time to go out for a drive..

::::::tryna make ends meet::::::: (wait,who's at the other end?)

young modern.

I have (I have) you breathing down my neck (breathing down my neck)
I don't (don't know) what you could possibly expect under this condition so
I'll wait (I'll wait) for the ambulance to come (ambulance to come)
Pick us up off the floor
What did you possibly expect under this condition so

Slow down.. this night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue..
Just dark blue

This flood (this flood) is slowly rising up swallowing the ground
Beneath my feet, Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so
I'll swim (I'll swim) as the water rises up, the sun is sinking down
And now all I can see are the planets in a row
Suggesting it's best that I slow down

This night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue

this is how i feel.

almost.

its almost winter. its cold. less than a month until the celebration of my birth arrives. 23, wow. almost a quarter of a century. still struggling to get back on track with life. almost there. but I can honestly say that I feel way more comfortable than ever before; with friends and family. update on the car...almost there. yeah it has been a rough 7 months since the day i had a cool grip on the wheel and shift knob heel toeing just before a corner and shifting to 2nd. gosh i swear it feels like ive had my license suspended, knock on wood ::knock knock:: soon my friends soon...i thought i almost had a chance with this chick that I've been eying for a while now, but that war is over. I need to finish up some songs for upcoming gigs with the crew (6SNC/BXC), so get ready for that!
Its almost 2008, so let's just hope this year will be the YEAR!

-vman


her in the middle of mt.hammy touge [summer 2006] *sigghh*

COPY-lation...

mon:

wake up late work senetek emed analysis salicylic acid low quantification napo ride to bart
gerald drug plug marina jp sherry evie 5th street kessy the pad misunderstandings mis- communications drama avoidance forgiveness drop off gerald back pad am i still a friend? cheryl help. sleep.

tues:

work. i hate work. jp gerald marina ms. maryjane stupid people that feed birds air-raid 2 bowl jimmle rasputins discounted dvds rendezvous with jay jack jon-jon ally public sparring jon-jon's gay jack in the crack 5 minute hoovering full dropped off at home curse of the golden flower impressed miss my love i want to drive, sleep.

weds:

work. get me out! hplc 7 samples too long 3rd party analytical reports harry gets on my ass calls from evie cheryl help too much on my mind, 1:47pm want to go home and watch the warriors game.

did i do a good job? maybe i should be a bit more vague_

I fuckin love my friends..

yep. this just happened a few minutes ago:

**calling jack**

me: sup bluh?! how you been?
jack:im just at the zoo right now hella lit with jay.
me: wtf? i thought you stopped?
jack:erik broke me off, its cool tho.
me: deeem, well whats going on at the zoo right now? any special events?
jack: naw, we just came here to check out some monkeys
me: hahahahah hell naw u hella funny bluh.
jack:hol up here's jay...
jay:sup witchu mang?
me:shit just at work, did you smoke too?
jay:hell yea im lit haha
me:(lol) you tryna kick it later? me and j.p. bout to head to san leandro probably smoke right quick
jay:nigga ill smoke your mom out haha
me:nigga fuckchu! haha iite holla at me.

...it's these types of conversations I love having with my friends, keeps the fun goin n goin. there is more i'd like to share of what has been happening these past couple of days, but ill save that for later. peace eassy....

i want to sing to you, but i don't think you'll embrace it the way I would want you to...

yes ladies and gents, i miss singing to people, or more specifically to that special girl, you shmellz me? I guess its just been way to long since my last relationship that I was able to have the chance to do so. Besides sharing songs that i've wrote (rap songs), I also enjoy singing, although I might not be the best at it, because I'm not, I try really hard anyways to make sure that I can tickle a person's fancy.

::Music is Life::

For those who don't know, I've been in love with music since day one. It's just a shame that I never got the chance to really learn how to play an instrument, but instead, voice was all I had to offer to the ears of the world. Music is the ultimate high!, besides God of course, and I'm pretty sure you all can agree to that. I mean who doesn't love music? So if you ever feel like being serenaded by someone, I would love to be that person. holler at your boy! my 2 cents for the day. =)

talking to GOD: I wish I was aware of my sins a long time ago...

blessed**

this past weekend will be most memorable until the day I die..
if it wasn't for my angel, J.P., I wouldn't be more understanding about my views of life than I am today; a renewed and replenished Vince.


It all started on Thursday, when my shepherd, Binoy, did all out of his way to orientate me about what LSS(Life in the Spirit Seminar) was all about. I'll tell you, I had to endure so many obstacles against the dark one in order for me to be able to attend this retreat. a retreat that would bring me closer to God. While I had several friends over, I was in the upper section of my tita's house with Binoy for 3+ hours conversing about what troubles I had in life, and yes it was excruciating because I haven't been open about my problems with anyone in a very long time. not that it was bad I shared my troubles with Binoy, but that I had so much anger and hate in me that I didn't want to endure much longer; the darkness that has been eating me up for the past 11 years. at the end of the night, I knew I was ready to take on the retreat this weekend.

Friday:

the first day of the seminar. Confessions to Fr. Edward. I don't know if any of you ever had to be completely honest and on point with every single sin you've committed since day one(including forgiving ALL and every single person that has put me in so much pain. this was the hardest of them all), that I had to do so in order to advance into the steps of true cleansing and welcoming of the Holy Spirit. and yes, it was difficult, I actually had to confess twice this weekend in order to be completely replenished of my sins. despite of my thoughts and feelings of being shameful of what I have done to hurt others and myself throughout my life, I felt really good about myself in the end. something I learned that stood out about being pure, Confession is stronger than Exorcism; that it is our own free will that releases the anger and pain that dwells in our hearts compared to having to depend on someone else to do the cleansing for us. **evidentally, there was actually a good reason for my last poem "free will" that I wrote for the poetry slam I threw a few weeks ago** wow!!

Sat:

the spiritual blessing begins. o man, words can't express what I experienced that day, I would have to say that out of all the days of me being on this earth, I've never felt so much Joy in my life; being able to fully embrace the Holy Spirit, and have the sense of being reborn. a feeling I wish all my fams and friends would also feel and embrace. you don't have to take my word for it. It was just God's calling for me to be there(not an accident or co-incidence), to do what he wants me to do, a humble servant to the Kingdom of Heaven, blessed with the gifts that only who are worthy and willing enough to do so to make this world a better place. I can't actually explain what these gifts are, but I pray for those who are reading this that one day, God will call you into his light, and receive the blessings as I have...

Sun:

Thanks and Praise! the conclusion to the whole seminar was also really intense. again, i would have to apologize that sharing this part of the seminar, it would be best if you were just there. "Thanks and Praise to God" I'm pretty sure you might have the slightest idea of what it was like.
Leaving that night was pretty hard, because as much as I wanted to stay and be around the goodness that was present in the premises of the retreat, I knew that going out into the world with these blessings and gifts, I would have to put into affect what God has called me to do; his plan for me =). Thank you God, now I know that through all these hardships and struggles during the dark times of my past, you were always present. It was just a matter of time that I had to really motivate myself to come to you, and open the door to my heart. You knocked on in so many times, that finally I opened it to you. I wish I did that a long time ago. I know this might be awkward for some of you too hear how spiritually-religiously minded I am at the moment, but hey, you can't blame me for being touched by the Lord. In time, you all will feel what I felt.
God Bless you all!

Jesu Christo in Excelsis!!!!



St. Michael's Victory over Satan

waking up to reality...

morning comes, sun is rising

I breathe, the first thought that comes to mind, I thank God for living another day

Other thoughts then cloud my mind:

I think about my tasks for the day, my family, my friends, what they are doing at the moment

Primary Objectives: Every day is a mission

Opposition of tasks begin to invade my mind, the feeling of ignorance is a struggle

I am aware of my bad habits, control of it I know I possess,

Although temptation and seduction play an important roll in daily life

I carry on during the day, I EXIST!

My definition of existence: pain and pleasure (in respect to all human senses)

Thoughts. Action. Reaction. Conclusion.

What do I want? What do I need? What is worth living for? Why do I live?

...Questions that affect my actions towards my views of the world

What I currently feel the need for, I know, my family knows, my friends know

..but do they understand?

My deeds, if accumulated enough, do I deserve the reward I've been hoping to acquire

Tangible or intangible; person, place or thing: a noun

Anomalies, things in my environment I can't control..how do I control?

Understanding the truth is key, but it can hurt,

..I do what ever it takes to overcome these obstacles of obscurity

The sun sets, night falls, my brain and entire body is exhausted

Mission Complete? maybe not all, but some..

Falling asleep, I thank God again, Its never a bad thing to wish for things

Fantasy: Living the Ideal Life, Having the Ideal significant other,

Being with the ones I mostly admire, doing the things I love to do,

..Endless Optimism, a reality waiting to come true.

weekend getaway..

so this past weekend was something. on saturday, j.p. and i took a little trip to sactown to attend his cousin's wedding at "Blessed Sacrament Cathedral." and let me tell ya, that church has got to be one of the most beautiful catholic churches i ever been to. i would have pictures to share but still camera-less. anywho, you just had to be there to see it. as for the wedding, which was the most interesting part, i figured that it was my first time witnessing a traditional catholic wedding, which to my surprise, i dont ever recall attending one before. they did all these rituals during the last half of the mass; the veil, robe, virgin mary ritual/blessings. really beautiful the bride was (Abs), and happy for her and her husband Kris. BTW, these are the two that have been organizing the bomb poetry slams in Sac, so if you missed the last 2 slams, be sure to come to the next one! As for the reception, you guys should know, partying hard, well maybe light weight for me because of course, fambams are present, but still had a blast. The rest of the weekend: just chillax mode. Chillin with Ray especially was cool, knowing I hardly get to kick it with the guy nowadays. Ill continue this blog in a bit..work is calling me =*(

i surrender, the war is over...urirehc

this weekend was something. a good mix of the good and bad. what a cocktail. well for those who missed the poetry slam that I organized on Friday, I would like to share my piece with you which is titled: "Free Will." I wrote this piece on behalf of the people I know that make the wrong choices in life, just to point out that we are in control of our own suffering and pleasures. tell me what you think....

Free Will

Love, the highest level of intimacy that we share amongst ourselves and with each other

Hate, the lowest yet strongest feeling of indifference we bestow upon our enemies or of those we express extreme anger

Expression of choice, detailed actions through movements of our bodies and Voice is what makes us human regardless of our personal views of faith…

The Act of Free Will

Since Birth, we all know that the structure of our origins in regards to the way we think derive from the ones that raised us, our parents, the direct link

Is it they who we are grateful for the deeds that brings goodness to the ones we enjoy companionship with,

Is it they who we feel shameful towards the persons that we endure opposition, the loss of wisdom, the lack of knowledge of the principles of our own catechism

It is self-explanatory

Protagonist or Antagonist, we choose our actions through the belief system of morals

Our reason on this Earth, determined by experience and understanding of logic only

Sustained never beyond this three dimensional portal

Until we die

Positive Stimulation and Pleasure, we can control

Undying Pain and Suffering, we can control

We put ourselves in our current position

Pain or Pleasure, all can endure

Retain from faulty pressure, we gain wisdom to allure

As living intelligent creatures, not alone, we must be teachers and leaders

Followers to Preachers or even Rebels to Lechers

What is your understanding of fairness in this world?

Through hardships and struggle, who says that this world isn’t fair?

Everything is fair

We make it either one or the other, through free choice

That is why we aren’t perfect at all, the definition of Fair lies through your morals

Not by those that choose your morals for you, the media, the government

Embrace what best fits you as a human being

Like Christ said, do unto others as they would have done unto you

With the gift of Free will, you have the option

To prosperity or corruption

You either choose or you lose

God Bless. =)

the first blog in 3 years...

To my own surprise, I find myself blogging yet again. I just noticed that some of my cool friends have started, so I thought, maybe I can try to be cool like them. Online Journal thingy-majig..


Today was yet another boring Monday for me. Got up early to take bus-bart to work(for those who don't know my car has been out of commission for the past 5 months, wow!) and did my daily routines and tasks. It wasn't until the end of my shift that my good friend J.P., comes to sweep me up from work to hang out. We did some grocery shopping for his mom then headed to the park near his pad to chill. Like any other day, we decide to fire up a bowl or two. That was when both of our minds expanded and started to have these faded conversations about life: the topic for today, "what era or revolution will follow up with our current one?, which is the technology revolution" (yes nerdy convos we have, but on the contrary, these convos our beneficial to our insights and views of life, for us to better understand the outer bounds of the norm.) So we have our mini-debates, but came to the conclusion that in the next 50 years, we will soon be witnessing the colonization of space, specifically on the moon and on mars. If you haven't been catching up to the news anytime recently, 5 countries are now in a space race: Japan, China, India, Russia, and of course, the U.S.of A. We even brought up the idea of how soon it would be until we hear from the first hip-hop artist from space. It might be us! who knows! 6SenseBXC in space! wow what an imagination. The Space Revolution, be prepared for it!

So It was 5pm and J.P. had work in 30mins, time to head to BayFair BART to head home. I realized that for the past 2+ Months using public transportation, I was given the chance to actually experience a REAL commuter atmosphere(rather than driving through traffic on the expressways) and see all these different faces and characters. You don't know how many times I've encountered seeing people I once knew from my younger past. Teachers and Students from High School, Elementary, or even from old jobs I used to have. Its kinda cool to also see the people you regularly commute with in the mornings and then through the early evenings. I don't say anything to them, but I'm pretty sure they recognize me on the same buses and trains I ride in. Seeing these strangers often, I wonder what lives they live. Seeing the expressions on their faces says a lot. I wonder...

So I get to Fruitvale BART and hop on the 53-Line. 3 Stops later I see my grandma hop on, I had to go sit next to her and say what's up. I startled her when I said hi, but she was more than delighted to see me. Seeing my Lola made my day, because it's not every so often that I run into her.

Each day I try to collect memories and store them as best I could. Maybe this blog can serve as a journal, not just for myself, but for you all as well...I wish I could continue on, but like I've said in some of my songs, time is of the essence...plus I have work early in the morning, need that sleep. that good, good sleep.